Annihilator 2000 – Beverly Hills Cop III

Specs: CD Player, Microwave, fax machine, phone, night vision goggles, microprocessor, digital AM/FM radio, video recorder and more. It also has a few guns. From the looks of it, a side mounted M-16, and a ridiculously large barrel for firing God knows what; hopefully its a rocket; you never know when the verbal alarm and M-16 won’t be enough to scare away those dumb-ass robbers attacking your pad.

What can I say about this beautiful gun. It can devastate and and cook you dinner. In fact, if you happen to be stuck on a stake out and you need to report in, the phone is already there. Though, does this mean it’s a cell phone or do you have to plug in to a wall? Multitasking makes the Annihilator 2000 the most bad ass gun on this list. While your killing baddies, it’ll make popcorn and record the action, just so you can see how bad ass you were. Not to mention the phone and fax. Nothing says handling your business, while doing business.

Big Baby – Hell Boy II – The Golden Army

Specs: Demon sized six-shooter, fires No. 2 “Suck on This” rounds which appear to be about the same size your thumb and features a music box.

I’m jealous of this gun. The only thing that would make it better would be a Zune (or ipod) instead of the music box. Imagine the damage Hell Boy would do if he handled business to Tech N9ne (especially Riot Maker). To be honest, it looks like the movies armorer spent a little too much time around the business end of an A-10 “Warthog”. For those of you that don’t know, the A-10 fires 30mm depleted Uranium rounds. This looks like that, maybe even bigger.

BFG v3.14 – Doom

Specs: BFG=Big Fucking Gun… Enough said

The BFG is the beast from Doom, though referred to as the Bio Force Gun, Sarge (Dwayne Johnson) clearly knows what else it stands for. When fired, the BFG is a devastating super weapon; man portable, like the Annihilator 2000 but all business. The biggest difference is the BFG leaves no indication it was ever used. The perfect murder weapon, if it could be hidden, perhaps the Noisy Cricket would be better for those purposes… Anyway, the arguably the most recognizable gun in gaming history and is now the 3^rd most Kick Ass gun in movie history.

MK55 Tactical Nuclear Launcher

Specs: Nuclear weapon + RPG = Ass Kicked. Two man teams, loader and launcher.

Watching Starship Troopers is an exercise in self control. Not to say I don’t love the movie, I do, especially NPH (Neil Patrick Harris). But there is a certain unbelievability about it. Now I know it’s set in the future, and I know that it’s a Science Fiction break from reality, but these weapons (Morita MK1) are insane (in a good way). The caliber must be .75, but they do the damage of 9mm. The MK55 Tactical Nuclear Launcher is quite different. These beast puts the power of the Hiroshima in the palm of your hand. Obliterating Bugs from an RPG never looked so realistic. Plus the fact that it’s set in the future means we have something to look forward too.

Zorg ZF-1 Pod Weapon – The Fifth Element

Specs: Machine gun, rocket launcher, poison arrow launcher, net launcher, flame thrower and freeze ray.

Kick Ass in every way. The Zorg shows what kind of future ingenuity mankind will have. The Zorg even features climate friendly killing modes (poison arrow and freeze ray), those carbon spewing flame thrower and machine gun are evil. This way we can bump off our enemies and be environmentally friendly at the same time, go Earth! Nothing says Kick Ass then an Earth friendly killing machine. Fertilizer anyone?

Colibri Lighters Golden Gun – The man with the Golden Gun

Specs: Pen, Lighter, Cuff Link, and Cigarette case

The modern discerning international assassin knows he or she needs to be able to get in and out (of their marks mistress), quickly, quietly, and without being seen; and then they need to eliminate their target. Colibri of London has given us this beautiful, if only non-functional Kick Ass assassins gun. Quickly assembled, and disassembled, the Golden Gun leaves the quite an impression.

Hellfire Shotgun – Ghost Rider

Specs: Winchester Model 1887 Shotgun

In the hands of a novice, the shotgun provides adequate defense. Held in the shadows by the bony hands of Satan’s messenger, the shotgun becomes the Hellfire Shotgun. While not the best weapon in the movie (The Flaming Chain wins) the Hellfire Shotgun lands a deathly blow. Filled with the power of evil the Hellfire Shotgun is Kick Ass.

All Photos come from imfdb.org

District 9 is amazing. Simply brilliant. I’m not going to wax poetic about it but its quiet simply the best movie I have seen this summer. Transformers 2 was amazingly entertaining and technologically brillaint too. It lacked depth. District 9 gives you depth in spades. The movie centers around a race of aliens whose ship mysteriously stops over Johannesburg, South Africa. The aliens are “rescued” when the ship is cut open and they are discovered starving. Acting out of humanitarian good will, the “prawns” so-called due to their lobster/mantis appearance are forced to live in the squalid conditions of District 9. Winkus van der Merwe (Sharlto Copley) is a bureaucrat at MNU (this movies evil corporation) tasked with evicting the prawns from District 9 and moving them into District 10 (a lot smaller and farther away from people).

From there the movie spins into an epic of action and sci-fi awesomeness. Winkus must breakout of an MNU lab 4 stories underground and then break back in to retrieve a mysterious fluid. But he does it with a little help. A prawn who goes by the name Christopher Johnson needs the fluid to save his people. So the two of them use kick ass alien weapons to break into MNU and get the fluid back.

The action filled finale features Winkus in a Mech Warrior suit kicking MNU’s ass. The greatest part of this movie is its story. it’s the opposite of every alien movie ever made, save for “The Day the Earth Stood Still”. District 9 shows the brutality of the human condition and the ability of one man to overcome human nature and help another race. Director Neill Blomkamp is expertly able to engender compassion for the prawns, that they quickly become objects of pity. This ability is truly remarkable and lost art among directors today. District 9 is powerful and moving but also filled with action and amazing graphics. This isn’t like some alien movies (Signs) where you rarely see the aliens themselves, and when you do, they’re horribly rendered. No, the CGI in District 9 is top notch and well done.

Without qualification I recommend this movie. It definitely is the best movie I’ve seen this year and has possibly cracked my top 10 movies of all time, but I’ll have to see it again to be sure.