JACK RYAN – CIA Analyst

Photo from Beyond Hollywood

Jack Ryan is a CIA analyst and former Marine. He has appeared in 4 movies and been played by 3 actors (Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford, and Ben Affleck). Ryan’s fighting ability stems from being in the right place at the right time and outsmarting his adversary. As an analyst, he knows his foes tendencies and abilities; he is also a capable marksman and driver. Resiliency is Jack Ryan’s trademark. The key to this play in game for Jack is staying away from Martin Riggs. Ryan has the ability to eliminate Ethan Hunt from distance, but defeating him close in will be difficult. Riggs can shoot and fight hand to hand, and with his Delta Force training, will be formidable either close or from distance.

ETHAN HUNT – Secret Agent

Photo from DoubleOSection

Ethan Hunt was the American answer to James Bond before Jason Bourne. Sporting gadgets and good luck, Hunt is able to infiltrate the tightest security, even avoiding moisture sensors as he sweats. Ethan Hunt is a capable hand to hand fighter and marksman. He also has additional skills in security detection and deactivation, BASE jumping and LALO parachuting. Hunt’s ability to win this play in round will hinge on his ability to avoid Jack Ryan from distance and use his hand to hand combat skills to eliminate him, as well as keeping Riggs from getting in close. For Ethan to advance out of this round, he’ll have to have a close eye on Riggs at all times.

MARTIN RIGGS – Former Delta Force, Active L.A.P.D.

Photo from Film School Rejects

Martin Riggs is a bad ass and a loose cannon. He has Delta Force training and can handle a gun and fists with Ethan and Jack. What Riggs has over both of them is an irreparable psyche. After the loss of his wife and daughter, Riggs is bent on revenge against whoever gets in his way of anything. In this case Jack Ryan and Ethan Hunt stand in Riggs way of moving on in the tournament, and he’s not about to let a couple of punks get in his way.

This match is fairly straight forward. Jack Ryan (Harrison Ford) and Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and Martin Riggs all have military training. While Jack Ryan is physically superior to Ethan Hunt, he does not have Ethan’s tech or refined fighting skill. Even as a failed counter punch to the James Bond franchise, Ethan does possess numerous gadgets that can make his fight easier. Ryan though has grit and toughness uncommon in many heroes. Martin Riggs has the skills of both of these heroes in one package, with a side dose of psycho. The possibility of Riggs losing his mind is a real possibility and nothing will prevent him from destroying Hunt and Ryan. Riggs superior strength and training, and his lose grasp on reality give him the edge in this fight.

With a win over Ethan Hunt and Jack Ryan, Martin Riggs moves on to the first round against Jason Bourne.

Annihilator 2000 – Beverly Hills Cop III

Specs: CD Player, Microwave, fax machine, phone, night vision goggles, microprocessor, digital AM/FM radio, video recorder and more. It also has a few guns. From the looks of it, a side mounted M-16, and a ridiculously large barrel for firing God knows what; hopefully its a rocket; you never know when the verbal alarm and M-16 won’t be enough to scare away those dumb-ass robbers attacking your pad.

What can I say about this beautiful gun. It can devastate and and cook you dinner. In fact, if you happen to be stuck on a stake out and you need to report in, the phone is already there. Though, does this mean it’s a cell phone or do you have to plug in to a wall? Multitasking makes the Annihilator 2000 the most bad ass gun on this list. While your killing baddies, it’ll make popcorn and record the action, just so you can see how bad ass you were. Not to mention the phone and fax. Nothing says handling your business, while doing business.

Big Baby – Hell Boy II – The Golden Army

Specs: Demon sized six-shooter, fires No. 2 “Suck on This” rounds which appear to be about the same size your thumb and features a music box.

I’m jealous of this gun. The only thing that would make it better would be a Zune (or ipod) instead of the music box. Imagine the damage Hell Boy would do if he handled business to Tech N9ne (especially Riot Maker). To be honest, it looks like the movies armorer spent a little too much time around the business end of an A-10 “Warthog”. For those of you that don’t know, the A-10 fires 30mm depleted Uranium rounds. This looks like that, maybe even bigger.

BFG v3.14 – Doom

Specs: BFG=Big Fucking Gun… Enough said

The BFG is the beast from Doom, though referred to as the Bio Force Gun, Sarge (Dwayne Johnson) clearly knows what else it stands for. When fired, the BFG is a devastating super weapon; man portable, like the Annihilator 2000 but all business. The biggest difference is the BFG leaves no indication it was ever used. The perfect murder weapon, if it could be hidden, perhaps the Noisy Cricket would be better for those purposes… Anyway, the arguably the most recognizable gun in gaming history and is now the 3^rd most Kick Ass gun in movie history.

MK55 Tactical Nuclear Launcher

Specs: Nuclear weapon + RPG = Ass Kicked. Two man teams, loader and launcher.

Watching Starship Troopers is an exercise in self control. Not to say I don’t love the movie, I do, especially NPH (Neil Patrick Harris). But there is a certain unbelievability about it. Now I know it’s set in the future, and I know that it’s a Science Fiction break from reality, but these weapons (Morita MK1) are insane (in a good way). The caliber must be .75, but they do the damage of 9mm. The MK55 Tactical Nuclear Launcher is quite different. These beast puts the power of the Hiroshima in the palm of your hand. Obliterating Bugs from an RPG never looked so realistic. Plus the fact that it’s set in the future means we have something to look forward too.

Zorg ZF-1 Pod Weapon – The Fifth Element

Specs: Machine gun, rocket launcher, poison arrow launcher, net launcher, flame thrower and freeze ray.

Kick Ass in every way. The Zorg shows what kind of future ingenuity mankind will have. The Zorg even features climate friendly killing modes (poison arrow and freeze ray), those carbon spewing flame thrower and machine gun are evil. This way we can bump off our enemies and be environmentally friendly at the same time, go Earth! Nothing says Kick Ass then an Earth friendly killing machine. Fertilizer anyone?

Colibri Lighters Golden Gun – The man with the Golden Gun

Specs: Pen, Lighter, Cuff Link, and Cigarette case

The modern discerning international assassin knows he or she needs to be able to get in and out (of their marks mistress), quickly, quietly, and without being seen; and then they need to eliminate their target. Colibri of London has given us this beautiful, if only non-functional Kick Ass assassins gun. Quickly assembled, and disassembled, the Golden Gun leaves the quite an impression.

Hellfire Shotgun – Ghost Rider

Specs: Winchester Model 1887 Shotgun

In the hands of a novice, the shotgun provides adequate defense. Held in the shadows by the bony hands of Satan’s messenger, the shotgun becomes the Hellfire Shotgun. While not the best weapon in the movie (The Flaming Chain wins) the Hellfire Shotgun lands a deathly blow. Filled with the power of evil the Hellfire Shotgun is Kick Ass.

All Photos come from imfdb.org

It’s the middle of summer so that means women are taking off their cloths and putting bikinis on. Here’s a selection of some of the finest bikini clad booties to grace the sand. Enjoy the warm weather while it lasts. Or, we could just pray for global warming and have bikinis year round…

Build a Computer:

Why you don’t know how to do this: It’s a computer. A dozen parts coming together to create the ability to go online. You probably ask yourself, what’s RAM? And how come my Hard Drive makes a scratching noise sometimes? The simple answer to why you don’t know how to build a computer; it’s complicated. Finding parts isn’t hard, finding the right parts is. Putting it together isn’t hard, putting it together right the first time is. With the ability to buy a complete computer at Best Buy so easy, why build your own. Simply, you want a computer that can be upgraded every couple of months and be usable. Instead you buy a completely new computer every couple of years and only to find out you’re angry at how slow it is 6 months later.

Solution: Build a computer. Take a couple of weeks and buy a book on building computers. Study it, breathe it, live it. Once you’ve built it you’ll technically smarter then 95% of your friends, family and their friends and their family. You’ll be the one they call when their computer crashes. By this time, you’ll know that most likely their hard drive crashed and they lost their data. The good news is you convinced them to back their data up, now you’re the hero.

Change a Flat Tire:

Why you don’t know how to do this: Ever seen a slasher movie where the college students get stuck on the side of the road because their car has flat, and the buff, model looking male lead has no idea what a lug nut is? You know you have. The only thing preventing you from being in this scenario, besides not looking like a model, is a big screen. If you haven’t been stranded on the side of a desolate highway, or even a mildly traveled one, consider yourself lucky, but the law of averages isn’t on your side. Everyday you don’t check the pressure on your tires, (do you know how to do that?) takes you one mile closer to staring in your own personal horror film. Besides, who wants to be on a date and not know how to change a tire. Girls want a man who can do more then call AAA.

Solution: Find some flat ground, get the jack your car conveniently has in the trunk, next to your spare. If you didn’t know your car comes with a jack, read you manual. Proceed to loosen the lug nuts on one of your wheels, preferably the one up in the air. Attach the spare, tighten the lug nuts, and take a test drive. Come back and re-attach your normal tire. Reward yourself with a Klondike bar, because you are more of a man now (if you’re a woman, you are now better then your boyfriend).

Shoot a Gun:

Why you don’t know how to do this: Come on, ever since the end of the draft, you haven’t had a reason to learn to shoot a gun. The only reason you learned to shoot then, was to have a head start on the poor sap who didn’t. Because when the Army pencil whipped your basic training you at least knew where the safety was. Nowadays, you don’t know how to shoot because your food magically appears in the meat locker at Costco. You don’t know what it means to live off the land and fend for yourself. The good news is you don’t need to know who to do these things, but you should. The modern reason to know how to shoot a gun is to protect yourself. You really don’t want to be caught in the middle of your house being robbed and have no way to defend yourself and your family. You have life too easy these days, and somewhere robbers, muggers and thieves of all kinds know this, and are plotting against you.

Solution: Do yourself a favor and buy the cheapest life insurance policy available, a shotgun (they’re easy, point, shoot, pump, point shoot, repeat) is simple, reliable, and makes a big hole in whatever you point it at. After this, go to your local shooting range and sign up for the pistol class. You’ll feel a whole new confidence and add tool to your kit. If you’ve caught the bug, find a tactical shooting range and get qualified for a concealed weapon, then you can carry your life insurance anywhere (except for schools, court houses, government buildings, and some parks).

Cut Down a Tree:

Why you don’t know how to do this: Ever since natural gas was discovered, you’ve become accustomed to wood free heat, and ever since the Swedes gave us IKEA, you’ve become accustomed to manufactured DIY furniture. In fact, the closest you’ve probably come to wood is attempting to build a crappy beer pong table. When your great grand parents moved out west, they had to clear their entire property of trees, then they built their first house out of the trees the cut down. Simply, you don’t have a good reason to cut down a tree anymore.

Solution: You don’t have to break out the ax or two person saw, a chainsaw will be fine (please don’t use an electric one wuss). The most important thing to bringing down a tree is falling it where you want. It’s no good having to fix your neighbors fence when you screw up. To do this, cut a notch out of the tree on the side you want to fall, and proceed to attack it from the back. If done correctly, the tree will fall in the direction you made the notch. If the tree is huge (20 ft or bigger) make DIY grappling hook and have someone pull it down in the correct direction. Women love lumberjacks. It’s probably something to do with knowing how to handle wood, but you never know. Just don’t wear plaid.

Keep a Journal:

Why you don’t know how to do this: It takes time, patience, and dedication. Three of the most valuable and least abundant qualities found in your everyday life. Writing and maintaining a journal is a personal and intimate task. It’s something no one else should ever see, and if they did you would be embarrassed. With modern distractions, like this blog, we don’t have the inclination to write down our thoughts. Without journals, the lives of some of the most powerful men and women in the history of the world would still be myth and legend. Anne Frank wouldn’t have a book, and George Washington would still have chopped down a cherry tree. Most importantly, you don’t keep a journal because you haven’t thought about it.

Solution: Start writing. Find a time of the day where you can be alone and share your thoughts with yourself. You’ll find how liberating it is to express what you can’t tell anyone. You’ll also find that you’ll discover solutions to your problems simply by considering them while you’re thinking about them. Keeping a journal also adds a sense of mystique to you; you have so much going on that you need to keep track of it. As the say, be a man, use your hand. To write that is.

8. Hang out with Friends
Giving blood can be a group activity. Collect your free stuff and do something after, just don’t drink, you’ll be passed out after your first couple of beers, and your blood alcohol level will be artificially high since you have less blood. You can also see who gets done the fastest, under five minutes and your doing great.
7. Meet People
Blood Drives can be a great way to meet people, guys and girls alike. Who doesn’t like to see a member of the opposite sex saving a life. Giving blood usually ends up taking a little while, especially if you’re a first timer. Strike up a conversation and see what happens
6. Interact with the Community
Giving blood is not a solo affair. The community is actively involved with saving each others life’s. Give them a hand and change their impression of college students being selfish.
5. Get over your Fear of Needles
Most people have some fear of needles. Rational or irrational, it would do you well to get it over with now. To be honest, unless you have the greenest needle jockey in the world, you probably won’t feel a thing. If that fails, just don’t look at it and sing a song in your head until it’s over.
4. Find your Blood Type
One of the most important things you can do is find your own blood type. It may even save your life when you accidentally stab yourself with a steak knife. Giving the EMT’s you blood type also lets them save the universal blood type O- for those that really need it.
3. You have Extra
The Bronze medal of this list goes to having excess anyway. What do you normally do with things you have extra of? Usually, if you aren’t a complete pack rat, you give them away to those who need them. Same here, you have extra blood, and there are people that need it. Be a man or woman, and give a little life away to someone who needs it.
2. Karma
Not that I believe in it, but things have a way of coming back to you. Stay on the universes god side and give a pint of the red stuff away. You may need it put back in later.
1. Save a Life
1 out 7 people who enter the hospital need blood and only 38% of Americans are eligible to donate and only 10% do. All this adds up to needing everyone possible to step up and donate every 56 days. College students are uniquely positioned to give blood more then the average American. We have more free time and are genuinely healthier then the average American. Do what you know is right, give and save.
Check out these facts about giving blood from Americas Blood Centers